The real cost of a relationship
It's not what you spend — it's what you bring.
A funny Reel made the rounds on Instagram earlier this year.
The headline alone was handmade for Money Talks: “It will cost you $15,000 a year to have a girlfriend,” it read.
In the 2 1/2-minute clip, a young man describes what he calls “the bare minimum boyfriend.” He breaks down what guys must do as a boyfriend — and how much it will cost monthly and annually.
It’s a comical rundown, only I don’t think the guy is joking.
Check it out, and judge for yourself.
If ever there was a Money Talk that I didn’t belong at the table, this is it.
The man in the video breaks down a woman’s routine maintenance and needs like they’re monthly bills.
💸 $250 a month for hair
💸 $150 twice a month for nails (manicures and pedicures)
💸 $80 for lashes once a month
💸 $150 for dates once a week
The rundown probably sounds ridiculously inflated to most people reading this, but the Reel received 100,000 likes. The man must have struck a chord.
I had no idea and never subscribed to such behavior, which is probably why I’m single. But plenty of men do, and there’s a new sucker born every day.
More power to them.
But in what world is it a man’s job to pay for a woman’s upkeep, especially his girlfriend’s? That’s not among the things I was taught about money, and it’s not what I’m teaching Parker.
Near the end of my last relationship, I stumbled across a phrase that said, “Men save money being single; Women save money being in relationships.”
Only then did I even give the gender roles much thought. I had grown tired of paying for dates with strangers. I never considered — or cared about — the financial undertaking when in a relationship.
Those societal norms and expectations make me think twice about jumping back into these dating streets.
There’s a real cost attached — and it’s far greater than financial.
There’s time, which is the No. 1 resource I no longer squander. Energy, both mental and emotional. Effort, which could go toward other productive things. And attention, which is always finite.
It all adds up.
There’s more.
A different Reel that I saw recently isn’t as humorous, but it hits the nail on the head. It gets to the heart of what a real relationship is all about, and you won’t hear the words “mani” or “pedi” anywhere in this 53-second clip.
In the video, a man shares that a great relationship isn’t free and will always cost you something. He started with his pride and ego, saying it only works if both are equal and on the same team.
“It cost me my arrogance and self-centeredness,” the man said. “Don’t tell me you want a passionate and connected relationship with low conflict, but you aren’t willing to pay the price for it by learning how to listen and validate each other’s pain.”
Whew.
“Don’t tell me you want intimacy inside of the bedroom,” he said, “but you aren’t willing to fill their emotional bank account outside of the bedroom.”
Bars!
This is a Money Talk that is so much bigger than money.
Always has been. Always will be.
So before you tally up what dating or a relationship is “costing” you, ask yourself what you’re actually investing — and what kind of return you’re creating.
If you’re single, maybe the question isn’t what it’s going to cost you to date, but what habits you’re bringing with you that make connection expensive in the first place.
If you’re in a relationship — happy or not — take inventory. Not of what you’re spending, but of what you’re withholding. Time. Attention. Patience. Accountability.
Because most relationships don’t fall apart over $150 dinners or $80 lashes. They fall apart over missed calls, short replies, half-listening, ego and effort that quietly fades.
And if there’s a real price to love, it’s not on your credit card statement. It shows up in the moments you don’t think to count — the text you don’t send, the apology you delay, the conversation you avoid.
That’s the bill most people keep running up.
At some point, it lands in your hands.
The question is whether you’re finally ready to pay it — or keep pretending it’s not yours.