Standing in the gap
Not rushing. Just growing.
Editor’s note: A year ago, I introduced my niece Bryana after she returned from her first trip to Africa, already dreaming about where she might go next. Today, I’m introducing her twin sister, Marilyn Mayberry. The older of the two, Marilyn — like Bryana — graduated from high school last year, and now they are taking very different paths.
Two sisters, only 10 minutes apart, raised in the same home with the same values, are carving out their own directions. Bryana chose higher education, leaving in early March to attend school in Poland, while Marilyn chose a gap year.
On their father’s birthday, Marilyn reflects on nearing the end of that year — and what it has meant to invest in herself and boldly forge her own path.
My father has asked me for as long as I can remember to write down how I saw myself in the future. At the time, I thought it was a pointless thing to do. What was the use of writing down what I wanted to do when I already knew what I wanted to be when I grew up?
But, during my senior year of high school, when it came time to actually make a decision, I realized that knowing what I wanted to be and knowing how to get there were very different things.
Everything I had thought about for my future had always just been the end goal. I knew I wanted to make art, but I had no idea how to do it sustainably. There were careers I was mildly interested in, but they were never things I was passionate about.
This began a cycle of doubt no one else in my grade seemed to be experiencing. I had goals and dreams, but I had never thought about what I’d need to do to actually reach them. It didn’t help that I was prone to procrastination or that I struggled with putting myself out there, and I didn’t know how to ask for help or explain my thought process until it was too late.
All of this, and the fact that going to college would feel like a waste of money if I didn’t know what I wanted, is what led me to waiting till the last minute to admit that I wasn’t ready for college, and eventually led to my decision to take a gap year.
During my research on what to do during a gap year, I was stuck. Most of the articles I read and videos I watched suggested going on a trip — something I couldn’t afford, or getting a prestigious internship — which was difficult when I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and a myriad of other things I wasn’t interested in, and didn’t know how to start.
I eventually decided I would stay home and work instead of doing something extravagant, to save money and adjust to adult life, but I still wanted to do what all of these people seemed to do: they found experiences and opportunities that helped them grow as people, often in ways they wouldn’t have been able to while in school.
I spent the first few months after graduation trying to settle into a routine that wouldn’t have me sleeping in or lounging around all day. So, I finally did what my dad had suggested. I sat down and thought about what I wanted my life to look like in the future.
I knew that I wanted to focus on the things I enjoyed, but also be stable financially, which was difficult when I knew living as an artist isn’t easy. But I was determined to use this break from school to work on the life I wanted.
I’ve been working two jobs during this year — one that I started toward the end of high school, and while it didn’t pay very well, I stayed to have additional income. The other paid better and was in a field I’m interested in — early education, at a Montessori school.
Having two incomes was a good way for me to save money, and it helped that I could stay home and not pay bills right out of high school, which I’m incredibly thankful for.
I was able to save the money I made at the higher-paying job and use income from the other as spending money, while still keeping it within the financial limits I set for myself.
I learned to track my spending in an app, something I had never thought to do before, and it helped with impulse spending when I knew I would have to write down why I spent that money later on.
Working so much has been a good chance to focus on earning and saving money and learning to work in different fields, something I wouldn’t have had time for if I was in school as well.
But even while I was earning money and learning new things, the jobs were taking up my time and energy on things that weren’t my passions. And while I was OK with it at first, it took away from what I wanted from the year.
My dad gave me a good perspective on deciding what my time is worth: Would I rather get paid $8 an hour for a job that didn’t make me happy or spend that hour making something that could earn me three times that?
It gave me a good view on how to prioritize my time for what would benefit me. My schedule, and the coincidental locations of both jobs within a 10-minute walk of each other, allowed enough time that I wasn’t incredibly busy, but my days were still pretty packed.
I would typically leave to catch the bus early to work a morning shift, taking a break at lunch to go home or wait nearby, then going to the Montessori in the afternoon. I’d take a bus home and sometimes have enough time and energy to still work on personal projects.
While my schedule is definitely more than I was doing in school, something about creating my own schedule made it easier and more manageable. Having such a detailed schedule compared to school also made working on my time management an important skill to learn, and using a planner is a habit I’ve grown used to.
As I’ve started prioritizing what was important to me, I dedicated more time to growing my art business, working on a website and applying for places to sell my art. I started to take the time to schedule a day each month to go enjoy time alone at a coffee shop and plan for my month ahead, to reflect on what I had accomplished and how I had been working towards my goals.
Looking back on this year, I feel I’ve met those goals in many ways because I’ve seen growth in so many aspects of my life.
I’m more productive, and my stress levels are way down from when I was in school. I’ve improved with spending and saving money. I’ve gotten much better at overcoming fear and social anxiety, something that held me back too often, and I’ve been able to do all of it because I had time to really focus on myself, which I think is important for anyone leaving high school, gap year or not.
I took time to intentionally learn skills I know I’ll use throughout my life, from big things everyone should try to learn, like managing my time and money, to personal ones, like learning how to do my own hair. I’ve also had the chance to try things I’ve never imagined being able to do, simply because I’ve gotten more comfortable trying new things.
There is so much that has happened this past year simply because I didn’t let fear stop me from going for things I wanted like it used to.
I messaged someone about the job at the Montessori, got it and have ended up loving it.
I applied to a big art market and got in despite my doubts about it.
I entered my art to sell in a local shop, and I got accepted for that.
I’ve worked on being OK with the possibility of rejection, something that had stopped me from trying things before, and it resulted in me getting closer to my goals simply because I put myself out there.
While I would suggest to anyone preparing for life after high school not to wait as long as I did to make a decision, I think it was ultimately the best choice for me.
I learned to balance work, to have time to work on my art, which has gotten me opportunities that I wanted to make money.
Although it’s not conventional, and maybe not for everyone, taking a break from school is a great opportunity to focus on bettering yourself and to open yourself to new opportunities that will help you for the rest of your life. It’s given me a new view of what I want in life and how to get there.
Now, as it’s nearing the time again to think about the big decisions I need to make for my future, I feel less wary. I’ve had time to explore my interests and find out what works, and it’s given me new perspectives on what I can do.
I want to keep growing with my art business — finding ways to make money from it and get better. I’m considering taking courses for Montessori schooling, a study I’ve gotten to learn more about this year.
I don’t know yet if the full college experience is for me, but this year has shown me that I don’t have to rush on trying to decide my future, and that there are more paths to take than I originally thought.
So, consider taking a few minutes, especially before reaching the last year of high school, to write down where you see yourself next year, in five years, and in 10 years, and what steps you’d need to take to get there.
It might help more than you think.